|get a life
||[Sep. 19th, 2017|11:46 pm]
|||||Coccolino Deep - Leon||]|
This feeling still plagues me. I have a possible opportunity now to go 'walkabout' as the Australian natives call it coming up. My obligations here will soon be just keeping my mum and grandma company. The other property I care for will sell very soon.
The place I work for has opportunities all over the states and my frustration with my life has reached critical mass. The town I live in has changed, it almost doesn't feel like home anymore. It feels like some simple suburb of Atlanta now.
I have very few friends. Matthias is here but I wouldn't call him a real friend. Michael is moving to Atlanta soon. In short my obligations are little. My reasons to stay shrink every day. If I were to leave and travel I doubt anyone would notice that I was gone. It's strange for me to think that my ancestors built this town, and many others nearby. Yet I know and identify with so few here.
In a sense it is a kind of conundrum I face down right now at the grocery store. I can't decide what to buy. I don''t like any of the options I see, or the prices. So I sit here and go hungry. I'm tired of going hungry. I want a life.
My life is going to be perhaps the only monument I leave. What I do, what I say, the impact I have on others. Jenny said to me 'thank you so much for all you do, and all you did for my mum when she was alive' last time we talked with each other. I own basically nothing, other than a persona and a truck and a camera. My dad owns the house I live in technically, my mum owns almost everything else. My words and my actions are what I leave. Why aren't they powerful or grand, self sacrificing and legendary?